1792 Coins

Before you get into this post, you should probably read the disclaimer from the previous post, Bible Babble (Genesis 1:1-31).

Genesis 2:1-25

Go ahead and read through that real quick, I’ll wait…

Well here we are in chapter 2 of Genesis, and we get a breif retelling of the creation week and a description of the Garden of Eden.  The creation of man and woman is told in a bit more detail.  Basically God made man from dirt and spit and gave him a quick round of CPR to kick-start his life.  After that, he gave our buddy Adam a dose of anesthesia, knocked him out, did a bit of bone marrow DNA harvesting from his rib and cloned him, making sure to fiddle with the X's and Y's a bit so that man would get a female counterpart, just like all the other animals.  Now that we have a basic overview of the chapter, let's take a different approach to this one.  Let's walk through this chapter as if it were God's personal journal of the first chapter's events.

Dear Journal, I finally got done with my little project.  It took me 6 days and I'm taking today off to relax and reflect on what I've done.  Note to self: make sure to remind those two humans to take a day off every week to relax and reflect on what they've done, it'll be good for them.  Looking back, it was fun making the Heavens and Earth, all the plants and animals.  The plant idea was great, but I had to install some underground sprinklers, and that took longer than I thought it would.  I plan to put in a full-on rain machine, but that's for another day.  Besides, I'll have to teach these two how to take care of all this stuff, and I haven't gotten around to that yet either.

Speaking of man, I kinda went a little overboard with these two.  I wanted to make something that was as fun as these other animals, but wanted it to be a little more like myself.  I'm not so sure if this was such a great idea in retrospect, but let's roll with it.  So I mold this little guy out of clay, and added my own breath into the mix to give him a little something extra, let's call it 'soul.'  It's too bad that there won't be any good recordings of its expression until the 20th century, but I digress.  I made this little guy in my image, but had no idea how playful and curious he'd be.  I had to make this little playpen for him so that he wouldn't wander off and get into trouble.  I made his playpen like a garden, over in the Eden district.  I filled it with all the best plants and trees and flowers I could come up with, I even through in a couple special ones as a centerpiece.  I added a tree of eternal life and a tree of infinite knowledge right smack in the middle of the park.  I even put in some water features to help out with the irrigation and add some landscaping pizazz.  I may have gotten a little overzealous with the water features, but the worked out great.  Off of the main fountain area, I broke the main river into four smaller ones.  I made the Pison branch go all the way around the Havilah area, where I also stashed some high end gold, great resin air freshener and onyx while I was there.  I sent the Gihon branch completely around Ethiopia.  I sent the Hiddekel branch off toward eastern Assyria, and the Euphrates that's over by--you get the idea.

I stuck the guy down in this little piece of Heaven that I had made for him and gave him a quick course in landscape management, and the nickel tour of the place.  When me and the boys were making this whole universe thing last week, we wanted this game to hold some surprises, which is where the idea of this 'tree of knowledge of good and evil' thing came up.  We all decided that sticking this little guy down in this paradise without anything to do, or decisions to make would get old quick.  We came up with this extreme challenge.  On one hand, the tree of infinite life, on the other, infinite knowledge.  This was a bit of a trick question as this dude had no real concept of time or any understanding beyond his little playpen.  So we made this simple rule of play.  He can eat off any tree in the playpen, except the tree of infinite knowledge.  If he eats off this tree, he's going to figure out real quick that life isn't forever, and I'll have lost a bet.

After I had this guy all made up and setup in the garden, I figured we should at least give him someone else to talk to other than the plants and animals.  Plus all the others got a way to make more of themselves and this guy deserves the same chance.  By the way, that whole clay sculpture method I talked about earlier in making the man, I used the same basic method on these animals.  Speaking of the animals, remember that weird one, the furry one with the webbed feet and duck bill?  We figured we'd see what kind of name man could come up with for this thing, but didn't want it to be completely obvious what we were doing, so we let him name all the animals.  He came up with 'platypus.'  Why not?  It was better that what we came up with.

Needless to say, the chap caught on after naming all the animals, that they all were in pairs, and he wasn't.  I had planned on making him a friend, too, but I hadn't gotten around to it quite yet.  I figured that now was as good a time as any.  I really didn't want to start from scratch, so I knocked him out, took a sample of him, and made a girl version.  When he woke up, I had her all ready and waiting.  He took immediate notice of her and told her that they were of one body and flesh and that she 'completed him.'  I think the Spirit fed him that line, but it worked like a charm.  We'll have to explain how they get together and make more and then they'll grow up, leave home and go make more of their own.  That talk is for another day, and I think I'll make the Spirit give that little lecture.  Besides, these two were so taken with each other they hadn't stopped to realize that they were both stark naked.

Signing off, God.

Thus ends chapter 2 of Genesis.  Stick around for chapter 3.

As always, feel free to comment or ask questions about any of the ideas shared in this post.

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