Before you get into this post, you should probably read the disclaimer from the previous post, Bible Babble (Genesis 1:1–31).
Go ahead and read through that real quick, I’ll wait…
Well here we are in chapter 2 of Genesis, and we get a breif retelling of the creation week and a description of the Garden of Eden. The creation of man and woman is told in a bit more detail. Basically God made man from dirt and spit and gave him a quick round of CPR to kick-start his life. After that, he gave our buddy Adam a dose of anesthesia, knocked him out, did a bit of bone marrow DNA harvesting from his rib and cloned him, making sure to fiddle with the X’s and Y’s a bit so that man would get a female counterpart, just like all the other animals. Now that we have a basic overview of the chapter, let’s take a different approach to this one. Let’s walk through this chapter as if it were God’s personal journal of the first chapter’s events.
Dear Journal, I finally got done with my little project. It took me 6 days and I’m taking today off to relax and reflect on what I’ve done. Note to self: make sure to remind those two humans to take a day off every week to relax and reflect on what they’ve done, it’ll be good for them. Looking back, it was fun making the Heavens and Earth, all the plants and animals. The plant idea was great, but I had to install some underground sprinklers, and that took longer than I thought it would. I plan to put in a full-on rain machine, but that’s for another day. Besides, I’ll have to teach these two how to take care of all this stuff, and I haven’t gotten around to that yet either.
Speaking of man, I kinda went a little overboard with these two. I wanted to make something that was as fun as these other animals, but wanted it to be a little more like myself. I’m not so sure if this was such a great idea in retrospect, but let’s roll with it. So I mold this little guy out of clay, and added my own breath into the mix to give him a little something extra, let’s call it ‘soul.’ It’s too bad that there won’t be any good recordings of its expression until the 20th century, but I digress. I made this little guy in my image, but had no idea how playful and curious he’d be. I had to make this little playpen for him so that he wouldn’t wander off and get into trouble. I made his playpen like a garden, over in the Eden district. I filled it with all the best plants and trees and flowers I could come up with, I even through in a couple special ones as a centerpiece. I added a tree of eternal life and a tree of infinite knowledge right smack in the middle of the park. I even put in some water features to help out with the irrigation and add some landscaping pizazz. I may have gotten a little overzealous with the water features, but the worked out great. Off of the main fountain area, I broke the main river into four smaller ones. I made the Pison branch go all the way around the Havilah area, where I also stashed some high end gold, great resin air freshener and onyx while I was there. I sent the Gihon branch completely around Ethiopia. I sent the Hiddekel branch off toward eastern Assyria, and the Euphrates that’s over by–you get the idea.
I stuck the guy down in this little piece of Heaven that I had made for him and gave him a quick course in landscape management, and the nickel tour of the place. When me and the boys were making this whole universe thing last week, we wanted this game to hold some surprises, which is where the idea of this ‘tree of knowledge of good and evil’ thing came up. We all decided that sticking this little guy down in this paradise without anything to do, or decisions to make would get old quick. We came up with this extreme challenge. On one hand, the tree of infinite life, on the other, infinite knowledge. This was a bit of a trick question as this dude had no real concept of time or any understanding beyond his little playpen. So we made this simple rule of play. He can eat off any tree in the playpen, except the tree of infinite knowledge. If he eats off this tree, he’s going to figure out real quick that life isn’t forever, and I’ll have lost a bet.
After I had this guy all made up and setup in the garden, I figured we should at least give him someone else to talk to other than the plants and animals. Plus all the others got a way to make more of themselves and this guy deserves the same chance. By the way, that whole clay sculpture method I talked about earlier in making the man, I used the same basic method on these animals. Speaking of the animals, remember that weird one, the furry one with the webbed feet and duck bill? We figured we’d see what kind of name man could come up with for this thing, but didn’t want it to be completely obvious what we were doing, so we let him name all the animals. He came up with ‘platypus.’ Why not? It was better that what we came up with.
Needless to say, the chap caught on after naming all the animals, that they all were in pairs, and he wasn’t. I had planned on making him a friend, too, but I hadn’t gotten around to it quite yet. I figured that now was as good a time as any. I really didn’t want to start from scratch, so I knocked him out, took a sample of him, and made a girl version. When he woke up, I had her all ready and waiting. He took immediate notice of her and told her that they were of one body and flesh and that she ‘completed him.’ I think the Spirit fed him that line, but it worked like a charm. We’ll have to explain how they get together and make more and then they’ll grow up, leave home and go make more of their own. That talk is for another day, and I think I’ll make the Spirit give that little lecture. Besides, these two were so taken with each other they hadn’t stopped to realize that they were both stark naked.
Signing off, God.
Thus ends chapter 2 of Genesis. Stick around for chapter 3.
As always, feel free to comment or ask questions about any of the ideas shared in this post.
I just wanted to make a very important and yet brief disclaimer statement about this new feature on my blog. This post contains my questions, thoughts, opinions, beliefs, rants, and such on The Holy Bible. Nothing more, nothing less. Please don’t take this stuff too seriously, as I assure you I have no qualification to be doing this. I’m just a schmuck who has read through the book a few times and have thoughts about what I’ve read. I’m in a constant state of tweaking my personal theology, and as such reserve the right to contradict myself, argue with myself, and offend myself in the process. I will even personalize the perspective, taking on the roles of God, and everyone else at some point. But this is all make believe, I don’t really think that I am these other persona, so put that phone down and hang that straitjacket back up. That said, if you’re easily offended, you might want to find something else to read, and let me recommend the word on the street by Rob Lacey.
If you’d like to read it for yourself, which I would strongly encourage you to do, here are a few ideas for getting your hands on a Bible.
- Check out BibleGateway.com to read the Bible online in your preferred version
- Request one from FreeBibleSociety.org, or FreeBibles.net
- Snatch one from the nightstand at a motel/hotel, or ask a Gideon
- Hit up a local church
- Check one out from your local library
Let’s get to it!
Go ahead and read through that real quick, I’ll wait…
So we are basically looking at the account of the creation. First things first, this sets up the whole concept that there is a creator and a creation, maker and made. Let’s walk through this stuff, and try to keep it simple. Curtains open with the now infamous, “In the beginning…” bit. First we have to understand that the creator, God, is something, someone, that we will never quite understand fully. This is a being that has none of the limits that we are comfortable with, so first He has to set up some work space, rules, tools, substance. He makes all this stuff by simple will and word. This part blows my little mind. How fun would it be to create a whole universe with the same amount of effort that you use to pick up a cup? I could dig that. So let me pretend to be God for a second and talk you through this, as if it were me doing the whole thing.
Man, this ‘infinite everything’ seemed like a good idea at the time, but I really need something to keep me occupied, entertained, and such. Don’t get me wrong Son, I love hanging out with just you and the Spirit, but seriously, we could use a little refreshing. I got it! Let’s make a new game. First, I need to set aside some room to make this thing. Heaven goes here, Earth goes here. Right on. That doesn’t look like much, in fact I could use a little light. Lights! That’s more like it. Wait a second, just to make things interesting, I’ll have this light thing come and go. Mix it up a bit, add a level of difficulty. I’ll call this cycle a day. Lights off! Day 1 complete.
Ok, so what are we going to do with this blob of stuff. Let’s break up all this water. Throw some sky in there keep this water away from all that water out there. We’ll put this sky stuff on the Heaven side of this line, and all this water over here on the Earth side. Groovy. There go the lights, man that really sneaks up on a guy. Day 2 complete.
Lights are on, let’s see what we can get done before they go out on us again. This is fun. I don’t know about you two, but I’m starting to rethink that whole ball of water idea. Maybe we should let some of the land part poke through a bit. Water will be Seas, land will be Earth. Are we all good with that? Great! Let’s see if we can crank out one more thing before we run out of light. That land part looks kinda blah. Maybe stuff should grow all over it, all kinds of random stuff in random colors. I really don’t want to have to babysit this stuff either, so maybe we should create a cycle for it, too. What if it grows up like this, and then drops off these little guys. These little guys can then start to grow themselves and see if they can make out better than the ones before. That’ll be fun to watch. Times up boys, let’s call it a day. Day 3 complete.
This turn, let’s put some lights down here around all this stuff so that the stuff growing down there can be part of the fun. Plus they might want to play this game down there too and they’ll need a timer. We’ll put this big one right here, and then let this little guy give them at least a little light in the off time. I think that’s pretty cool fellas. Let’s call it a day. Day 4 complete.
I was thinking about all this plant stuff. It’s pretty cool and all, but how about something a little more diverse. What if we made some stuff that can move around. We had fun with that water/firmament stuff earlier, let’s put these little guys in that stuff first. Don’t make me think of all this stuff myself, you two get over here and help out. Let’s see how many different kinds of these we can make before the lights kick off. Loser buys dinner. These guys can glide through the water and these other guys can glide through the air. Now let’s get busy. Time! I think we all did well today, that is some crazy looking stuff we made down there. I especially dig the different sizes and shapes and colors. Just to keep it interesting, let’s give them the same kind of thing as the plants. No not leaves, smart-aleck, I meant the ability to make more and see if the new ones can improve over the older ones. We did good today. Day 5 complete.
Wake up fellas, today is going to be a big day. I had this great idea hit me in the shower, but I’ll get to that later. I noticed that land that’s poking out doesn’t get a lot of use. Sure the plants are doing fine and making it look better, and the other animals rest on it, but it seems like a lot of wasted space. I think we should make some more of these animal things that can use the land part more efficiently. Get creative boys, and don’t let me forget to make them reproduce like the others do. Good job, these are even more fun than the others that we made. Which one of you jokers thought of that thing? You know which one, that one. Furry, bird mouth, webbed feet. We’ll discuss that later, I thought we should take it up a notch. What if we made some more that were more like us? Your thoughts? I know that they can’t be just like us, but we can make them resemble us. They should probably be able to make more like everything else. If they’re anything like us, they’ll be able to out-do all that other stuff down there, but that’s probably not a bad idea. You two down there, if you get tired, you can eat that plant stuff, it’ll help. Let the other animals have some to eat, too. Well, we did good again today, and there go the lights. I think we should quit here, this will be enough to keep up with for now. Day 6 complete.
Well, that’s the first chapter of Genesis, and the Bible, in my own words. Tune in for chapter 2.
I would love to hear your comments, thoughts, questions, and all.
The people have spoken, and I’m going to do my best to deliver. Most folks will send in comments via email rather than posting them directly to a post, so I thought I would take a moment to respond to a few of the comments, questions, and requests.
- They enjoy the art tutorials and information about all things Open Source.
I’ll continue to cover those items and any questions that come in about them.
- They want to hear more of my quirky commentary on the Bible, some are even requesting that I start at the beginning and walk through the whole thing, giving my little thoughts and such.
This sounds like a risky and time consuming venture, but I’ll give it a shot.
- Folks are curious about my personal entry into the Comic Book Universe and what I’m reading now.
I was introduced by a good friend and coworker. I got sucked in by reading the 7‑issue DC series, Identity Crisis. I’m currently reading the Vertigo series, Y: The Last Man. I will try to include a few more posts in relation to what comics that I’ve found fascinating, entertaining, and such.
- Folks want me to make more of a presence in the ‘social landscape,’ namely asking about my Facebook, MySpace, Twitter accounts.
From my previous posts, I’m sure you understand that I’m a bit of a paranoid privacy nut. That said, I currently don’t subscribe to any of the current social networking sites, but I’ll look into it.
- If you’re really trying to become a Christian, why do you continue to study other religions and philosophies?
Sometimes the best way to find out what you believe, is by finding out what you don’t believe and working backward.
- Why don’t you take professional art classes to learn how to draw/cartoon?
Not sure this would be the best use of my time or the that of the teacher. A bit like a deaf person taking a music appreciation course.
- I read your About page and understand the meaning behind the domain name, but is 1792Coins.com the best you could come up with?
Funny you should ask. No, it’s not. In fact I didn’t come up with it. It was a domain name that another group had requested for a project I was working on over at simplemediagroup.net. Let’s just say that the group hadn’t agreed on a few things amongst themselves before submitting a request for the domain, then changed their minds on the whole idea and left the domain behind. Being a follower of the ‘use everything, leave nothing’ philosophy, I couldn’t stand seeing it just sit on the web unused, so I tried to weasel a blog out of it. Hence the blog you see before you.
- I find your taste in music (shown in your side bar) quite eclectic and interesting. Maybe you could do some music reviews.
This is a touchy spot for me. I love music of all kinds, and love to share music with others. That said, I almost find music a more intimate, holy, and sensitive subject than religion or politics. What would a review sound like? You can’t really explain music, it’s an experience. Alan Watts once said, “If you ask Bach, ‘What is the meaning of music,’ he would have said, ‘Listen…that is the meaning.’ ” That said, I guess I could write about my experience as I listen to certain songs, albums, and artists.
- Your puppies are beautiful, what are they? and what other pets do you have?
Oh goody! I absolutely LOVE animals! More than most people I’ve met. The puppies (in picture used for the How To Make Your Pictures Look Like Comic Book / Graphic Novel Art With GIMP post) are rescue pups. Sophia and Isabella are litter mates, and their mother is Australian Shepherd and we’re honestly not 100% sure on the dad, but the vet ventured to guess that he was probably Mastiff. All that equates to a couple of very smart, very lovable, very beautiful dogs. They have an older sister, Tipper (a Parson Jack Russell Terrier), who is definitely the ‘Top Dog’ of the house. A quick run through of the animals that have shared our home: Bailey (beagle), Shelby (cat), Clark and Lex (mice), Chappy and Scrappy (anoles), Ben and Socrates (rats), Ms. Benson (rabbit), Max (guinea pig), Pretzel, Love, and Logic (African Pygmy Goats).
- Maybe you could throw out a few quick movie and book reviews.
This response will be similar to my response to the requests for music reviews. I think it best to keep this simple. I’ll throw out a quick recommendation here and there, but would rather hear your thoughts on them. Hopefully folks will be willing to leave their comments on the posts for all to enjoy.
Whew! Thanks for all the email and such! I’ll try to do this every so often to clear out the mailbox.
I plan on expanding the variety of topics covered to meet the requests as above, however as such, I can’t promise an ‘every day’ post schedule. I hope to be able to write approximately the same amount, however the posts may come out less frequently and consistently, or with less overall content respectively. I do have a day job, a couple volunteer jobs, a family, a bit of a life, and now this blog to keep up with. I’ll do my best.
Thanks again for all the feedback!